It's been a long couple of days, and yet it seems as though it went by in an instant. It seems like 10 minutes ago that I was counting down the days to Christmas, and now I sit in a leather arm chair at my in-laws, kids in bed, mom and dad winding down, glass of New Castle on the coffee table and Christmas is just an hour and half away from simply being another memory in my ever dwindling vault of Christmas memories.
I am 30 this year, and that in and of itself makes a guy start to think, and take stock of his life. Sure, if you are an over 30 reader you are smirking right now, but venture back for a moment and try to remember what it felt like for you.
I ask myself questions like, have I done enough? Am I who I want to be? Has my existence made a mark on the landscape of humanity?
That last question is really my big one. I realize tonight that I am small, very small, almost meaningless on the grand canvas of the creative timeline of humanity. At the same time, really all I want to know in this moment is that my life will make a mark, something larger than the but print, and moisture ring I am currently leaving. Isn't that what we all want? To know that our lives meant something, changed someone, made a mark?
I don't know, I guess I am just struck by the reality that the things our world and culture tell us are worth pursuing, just might be the very things that are keeping me from really living. I guess what I am most saddened by on this Christmas night is the fact that the pursuits my Christian culture have placed in front of me and so many others are at best simply distracting me from living a life full of real impact and lasting influence.
Things like knowledge, degrees and experience are the things that most people in my position are measure by.
Instead, I would like to be measured by relationships, love, character, passion, heart, grace, justice, mercy, and all of the things that my savior, Jesus Christ measures me on.
If God really valued those things, would he have room in His heart for something as meaningless as a diploma?
All I know is that on this night some 3000 years ago, God decided to place the hope of the world on some very tiny shoulders. The God of the universe in the flesh did not come as a giant, king, or debutant. He came as a small, humble, yet loving, merciful, meek, and sacrificial man. That is who I want to be, That is what I want the next decade of my life to be measured by.
Thank you Jesus for being my living example. I want to imitate you and be the grace of God lived out in flesh as I walk with those who so desperately seek that hope
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