"... for they shall be satisfied."

I paid the bills today, a day that is typically a stressful one in the Brower household. Why you ask? Well, it's not because we don't have enough money to meet our needs, it's most likely because we don't have enough money to meet all our wants. As I was writing out check after check (yeah, I still use paper to pay bills... archaic I know, for some reason it gives me a sense of control, and accomplishment.) I couldn't help but begin meditating on all that we have. More than anything, I was struck by a sense of appreciation for the reality that we have enough money to pay all our bills. We never have to wonder where our next meal is coming from, or how we will pay to keep the air conditioning on. Even after we have spent the first week of our monthly pay cycle buying up whatever feels good, right in the moment, we still have enough to make ends meet. Something about pay day, when the account is full, makes me think I can afford to swipe the old debit card for just about anything that my fleeting heart desires. Don't feel like doing dishes, let's order pizza, been wanting some new clothes, why not, we are loaded? Of course, not thinking about how last month I did the same thing, only to find myself groaning over the reality that after I have paid all the bills, we no longer have a buffer for future impulse buys. We have in essence, spent ourselves to the limits, and will now have to spend the next 20 days being extra careful with how we spend our money. 

So naturally the question becomes, why didn't we start the month being careful? Why do we, month in and month out, find ourselves in this position? 

It's funny that this month the agonizing adventure of diving into our finances came in the context of me taking a break from my sermon preparations for this Sunday. I am beginning a series this week on, "The Sermon on the Mount." Jesus begins His message to His disciples, and the fortunate eves droppers that happened to be loitering with pretty radical, and counter culture outlook on what it means to live out a life of faith in God. He starts to list what has become known by American Bible readers as, The Beatitudes.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed the merciful," etc.

One of these so called beatitudes has become particularly striking to me in the wake of my war with the finances. 

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied."

I can't help but begin to ask myself in this context, what does it mean to be satisfied. I am today, in this moment, ever aware of my seemingly unquenchable appetite for more things, pleasures, and security. But here, Jesus is telling us that the only way to be truly satisfied is by living in a state of hunger and thirst. 

Wait a minute, isn't hunger in direct opposition to satisfaction? How can those two things go hand in hand.

It began to become clear to me... in God's economy, everything is flipped on it's head. I felt in this moment, like the woman at the well asking Jesus, "Where can I get this living water? If I had some, I would never have to draw from the well again?" Even in the context of receiving all that God has to offer me, I am still seeking it for my own earthly gain. 

The kind of satisfaction Jesus is talking about, is not the kind that is satisfied with food or drink. It is not found in the acquisition of more money, things, or pleasures. It is found in utter dependence, and intimacy with the creator of the universe.

My monthly bout with money serves as an incredible reminder for me, that all this world is offering me, will never begin to satisfy the hunger and thirst that is in my heart. If i try to fill hunger and thirst with things of this world, I will find myself empty, and broken. When I choose to live a life intent on remaining hungry, embracing the thirst within me, and focusing it on the righteousness God is calling me to pursue, the empty things of this world will ultimately become gray. I will begin to see these things for the false security and fulfillment they actually are. 

The more hungry I become for the King and His kingdom, the more satisfied I will daily become.