Rebellion vs. Conviction

I like to think I have made a habit in my life of swimming up stream, going against the grain, living for something different. When I look at my life, and it's pursuits, I see that to be true in some ways, and not so true in others. Certainly my career choice, and devotion to Christ sets me apart as a person who is swimming up stream at least in the context of American secular culture.

This week I was thinking about the motives for choosing to be different, and had an epiphany. Here is what I came up with...

"If you are going to swim up stream, do it with conviction, not rebellion. Conviction is intentional, rebellion is reactionary."

For most of my life I have been a go with the flow, fit in, don't ruffle any feathers kind of guy. I avoided conflict, wanted to be liked and didn't want to offend. About 3 years ago, in the process of making a significant life change, I decided not to value fitting in anymore. I wanted to be different, I wanted to, "rebel," against everything I thought was wrong with the world, the church, and all of the people involved who I believed were wrong in there pursuits. In doing so, I created rebellion as a value of my life. I wanted to be seen as different, bucking the system, or sticking it to the man, so to speak. This was especially true in the context of church. I saw things in the church that I didn't like, in fact I hated them, and that caused me to react with rebellion. It was anger that was driving my desire for change.

Yesterday afternoon, I was in an online conversation, and somehow it moved to the subject of living life against the grain, swimming up stream. It was then that this concept became clear to me, for the first time really.

A person's desire to, "rebel," most often comes out of a desire to be different, change something, or make a statement of independence. The heart of rebellion however, is anger, and frustration. Rebellion is a reaction to a wrong, so a person living with a heart of rebellion is actually not in control or independent at all. Their desperate attempt to change things has them living a life enslaved to whatever it is they are rebelling against.

rebellion is not calculated, it is a reaction, and any time we react with un calculated emotion, we are being controlled by whatever or whoever we are reacting to. This stands in direct opposition to all that a "rebel," is trying to attain. Unless that person is a rebel simply because they want to be. The heart of rebellion is selfish, it is unkind, and lacks vision. It is most often not well thought out, or founded upon anything. There is no room for rebellion in the church. God is calling us to speak the truth in love, not in anger and frustration.

I don't want to live my life on un calculated emotion. I want to live my life, set my values, and interact with people based on conviction. Being different isn't at all about sticking it to someone, or standing in opposition. No, in our world today, the unique individual is the one who lives their life on purpose, with intentionality, with conviction.

Conviction is different than rebellion. Conviction says, this is the way I choose to live my life, and it is for these reasons, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else does, this is who I am. It is not angry, it is not based on emotion, it is based on a calculated, intentional values driven pursuit. It doesn't force anyone else to live the same way, it isn't even asking for that. It is a simple statement about values.

Ultimately rebellion comes from a desire to see things change, and in my anger and frustration I was unable to see that in that state, I would never change anyone, or anything. It is when we step back, humble ourselves, and let conviction rule that we become people that have potential for lasting impact.