Turning 30...

I turned 30 last month. That's right, the beginning of the end, it's all down hill, I'll never be young again right? As much as I want to believe that isn't true, my world is telling me otherwise.

I am a father of an 8 year old girl, which means shows like Hannah Montana, Phinneas and Pherb, Kid vs. Kat, and many others are staples in my house. Especially on snow days.

Today is a snow day, and though it's been almost a month since that dark, end of the world day, a day I thought I had moved on from, one of these shows made me realize maybe I'm not as, "Ok," with this whole turning 30 thing as I thought.

The show is Wizards of Waverly place. It's a show about a family of Wizards that are trying to assimilate into normal western society by putting aside magic so as to, fit in. The star of the show, Alex, the fast talking, often disrespectful, and always sassy teenage girl that I am allowing my 8 year old to idolize, is sitting on the the stoop of her parents restaurant, talking. It is the end of the show, and as always, the writers are half heartedly attempting to redeem the show by making tagging a generic, "Moral of the story," lesson to excuse the flurry of value-less dialogue that has just flooded the minds of our future.

I still have no idea what the show was about, but I remember them Alex saying to her friend something like this, "That won't happen until we are really old, like 30!"

Thanks Alex, I thought I was over this 30 thing, and you re-exposed the wound that I had covered up with a band-aid. I began to reflect once more on what it means to turn 30.

I had a 30th birthday party this year with lots of friends, good food, drinks, and conversation. They sang happy birthday to me, and I ate lots of my favorite dessert, banana cream pie.

It was a great time, all except one glaring problem. At least it was glaring to me, and this glaring problem will always characterize for me, my 30th birthday. It is in fact the exposure of a fairly enormous failure in my life. That's right, my birthday party exposed to me, I huge problem with the way I am living my life.

I am a pastor... I am a pastor of a church plant... I am a pastor of a church plant that claims to be a gospel teaching, gospel living, outward focused ministry, and as I looked around the room at all the good friends that surrounded me, I was struck by a very problematic reality. They were all... Christians.

All of my good friends are christians. Now, I know what you are thinking, what's wrong with that? Isn't that natural? You gravitate toward people like you right?

All those things are true, but the reality for me, at this stage of my life, is that I want to believe God is using me to impact the kingdom. How is that even possible if all I do is surround myself with people who are already part of it? Maybe more problematic is the fact that I am attempting to lead others into a lifestyle of living the gospel in our world, and apparently, I am not doing it myself?

I guess what this fateful day really brings to light is the reality that as the "Church," we have really missed the mark, we have allowed our focus to move from what matters most. We have become so selfish in our understanding of evangelism, that we have actually convinced ourselves that we are being effective at spreading the gospel, without actually befriending people.

The gospel is to be lived, not preached. My life is a walking vessel for the love and grace of God, how can that vessel be effective in the world from a distance?

The biggest crime is that this empathetic, from a distance, throw some money, and maybe a prayer or two at it approach to the gospel has left the world believing that's who God is, when in fact, Jesus was, "The Friend of sinners."

I am thankful for this wake up call, and pray that the next time I have a birthday party, this revelation from God will show as life change, and be evident in the crowd that is there to celebrate with me.