To be filled...

So, my wife and I are headed into a pretty interesting season of life. Case and point, I found myself spending most of the day last Friday filling out job applications for minimum wage type jobs that require no degree or unique skills to speak of. I am not trying to say there is something wrong with those jobs, or anything, just that it feels strange to be at this stage of my life to be doing something I last did my 2nd year of college.

We are headed toward a season of unknown... well, the one thing we do know, is that life is not going to be easy... practically speaking. Questions about the impact of drastic reduction of time, energy and money are swirling like a tornado in my head and heart, not knowing what the future holds. Is this fair? Is God abandoning us? How can God turn His back on a family that has given it all for His kingdom, for His purposes, and for His glory? Have we done something wrong?

I always get emotional when alone in my car, I guess it is where I am thinking most clearly, or have the least amount of distractions. On Thursday as I was driving home from Life Group, after an amazing time of encouragement, I found myself thinking and contemplating a new question. What is the point of earthly blessings? Why would God choose to give financial prosperity to one, and struggle to another? I realized that for the past 6 years I have been in a season of prosperity. Life has been good, relatively easy, at least practically, so what does this mean that life is changing?

Just then, the next song clicked onto the CD player, and it happened to be a worship song that I have led people in churches on multiple occasions. The last verse of the song goes like this...

This is my prayer in the harvest

where favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

This seed I received I will sow.

Immediately I began thinking,

"For a devoted Kingdom Laborer of Christ, what is the point of earthly blessings."

According to this song, it is only to give it away. Hmmm... can that really be true? Is the only reason God fills us, so we can be emptied again? If that is true, then maybe I can begin to see this season of life as just simply a natural cycle of life with Christ. I have spent the last 6 years of my life being filled, taken care of, blessed, for what? So that I could pat myself on the back and continue on feeling great about how I have taken charge of my life? No, to be poured out again!

It struck me in that moment, that my life is ultimately a tool to be used by God. If He chooses to bless me with earthly blessings, I can see it as simply a sharpening of that tool. My life has more to offer others. I have more to give, not more to hold on to.

Then in the times of dessert, while I am being poured out, I have a greater opportunity to display the love, grace, sacrifice of Christ then ever. Is God still good? Did something change because life got hard? No, not at all. I was simply filled so that God could use me. After all, my greatest opportunities for life change, impact, and closeness with my God is not afforded to me in moments of prosperity, but in moment of trial.

So, I choose to be poured out, I choose to see my life as a tool, I embrace the breaking, using, and re-shaping God desires to do in my life in this next season...

Starbucks here I come!