Christmas...

I have some very scattered thoughts tonight, so this might not come out in any sort of readable form, but i am going to write anyway...

It's been a long couple of days, and yet it seems as though it went by in an instant. It seems like 10 minutes ago that I was counting down the days to Christmas, and now I sit in a leather arm chair at my in-laws, kids in bed, mom and dad winding down, glass of New Castle on the coffee table and Christmas is just an hour and half away from simply being another memory in my ever dwindling vault of Christmas memories.

I am 30 this year, and that in and of itself makes a guy start to think, and take stock of his life. Sure, if you are an over 30 reader you are smirking right now, but venture back for a moment and try to remember what it felt like for you.

I ask myself questions like, have I done enough? Am I who I want to be? Has my existence made a mark on the landscape of humanity?

That last question is really my big one. I realize tonight that I am small, very small, almost meaningless on the grand canvas of the creative timeline of humanity. At the same time, really all I want to know in this moment is that my life will make a mark, something larger than the but print, and moisture ring I am currently leaving. Isn't that what we all want? To know that our lives meant something, changed someone, made a mark?

I don't know, I guess I am just struck by the reality that the things our world and culture tell us are worth pursuing, just might be the very things that are keeping me from really living. I guess what I am most saddened by on this Christmas night is the fact that the pursuits my Christian culture have placed in front of me and so many others are at best simply distracting me from living a life full of real impact and lasting influence.

Things like knowledge, degrees and experience are the things that most people in my position are measure by.

Instead, I would like to be measured by relationships, love, character, passion, heart, grace, justice, mercy, and all of the things that my savior, Jesus Christ measures me on.

If God really valued those things, would he have room in His heart for something as meaningless as a diploma?

All I know is that on this night some 3000 years ago, God decided to place the hope of the world on some very tiny shoulders. The God of the universe in the flesh did not come as a giant, king, or debutant. He came as a small, humble, yet loving, merciful, meek, and sacrificial man. That is who I want to be, That is what I want the next decade of my life to be measured by.

Thank you Jesus for being my living example. I want to imitate you and be the grace of God lived out in flesh as I walk with those who so desperately seek that hope

Influence flows from intentionality

I want to have influence in this world. People ask me all the time why I decided to plant a church, and most of the time my answer is the same... "I'm not sure." You might wonder how a guy can get into something as exhausting as church planting not knowing why. Well, it's not that I don't have my reasons for church planting, it's that church planting, like anything in life is full of challenges that almost daily cause me to question why I do what I do. That is why I have to boil it down the the simplest, most clearly defined reason for my existence.

I want to have influence

I want to have the kind of influence that lasts past today, past my life, past the existence of this world. I want my influence to have some form impact hat last for eternity. That is why I do what I do.

More and more I have been thinking about how to make that happen. Is it about having the right church programs, going to the right place, or being with the right people? Some would say all of those things are important, I however have decided that the extent of my influence will be connected to the extent of my intentionality.

Things don't happen by themselves, they don't happen organically when it comes to real life influence, they come out of intentional living. If I want to be the kind of person that has lasting impact, I have to be intentional about the way I live. for example...

If my goal in life is to be the best guitar player in the world, it will not happen by thinking positive thoughts, or talking to lots of great guitar players, it won't even happen by listening to a lot of great music. It will happen by me deciding what it takes to achieve my goal, and intentionally pursing those things for the balance of my life. I need to know what I am after, and I need to sacrifice everything for the sake of becoming the kind of person that will be that objective.

I have grown weary of church movements that have come to the conclusion that we will have an eternal impact simply by relating with people. If we set out with our ultimate end being relating with people we will become what? Really good networkers, with lots of friends who have lots of great conversation. We will not have eternal kingdom impact unless we decide to be intentional about it.

So what are your core values? What are you living for? Do they support the mission you have for your life? If not, that's where it begins. So many of us live life by accident. Life with Christ is about being intentional about the things God cares most about. When we look at the life of Christ we see the kind of singular focus that we are called to in pursuit of a life worth living.

So what you ask is worth living for....

Intimacy with Jesus, and passion for the Kingdom of God.

It begins and ends there.

Rebellion vs. Conviction

I like to think I have made a habit in my life of swimming up stream, going against the grain, living for something different. When I look at my life, and it's pursuits, I see that to be true in some ways, and not so true in others. Certainly my career choice, and devotion to Christ sets me apart as a person who is swimming up stream at least in the context of American secular culture.

This week I was thinking about the motives for choosing to be different, and had an epiphany. Here is what I came up with...

"If you are going to swim up stream, do it with conviction, not rebellion. Conviction is intentional, rebellion is reactionary."

For most of my life I have been a go with the flow, fit in, don't ruffle any feathers kind of guy. I avoided conflict, wanted to be liked and didn't want to offend. About 3 years ago, in the process of making a significant life change, I decided not to value fitting in anymore. I wanted to be different, I wanted to, "rebel," against everything I thought was wrong with the world, the church, and all of the people involved who I believed were wrong in there pursuits. In doing so, I created rebellion as a value of my life. I wanted to be seen as different, bucking the system, or sticking it to the man, so to speak. This was especially true in the context of church. I saw things in the church that I didn't like, in fact I hated them, and that caused me to react with rebellion. It was anger that was driving my desire for change.

Yesterday afternoon, I was in an online conversation, and somehow it moved to the subject of living life against the grain, swimming up stream. It was then that this concept became clear to me, for the first time really.

A person's desire to, "rebel," most often comes out of a desire to be different, change something, or make a statement of independence. The heart of rebellion however, is anger, and frustration. Rebellion is a reaction to a wrong, so a person living with a heart of rebellion is actually not in control or independent at all. Their desperate attempt to change things has them living a life enslaved to whatever it is they are rebelling against.

rebellion is not calculated, it is a reaction, and any time we react with un calculated emotion, we are being controlled by whatever or whoever we are reacting to. This stands in direct opposition to all that a "rebel," is trying to attain. Unless that person is a rebel simply because they want to be. The heart of rebellion is selfish, it is unkind, and lacks vision. It is most often not well thought out, or founded upon anything. There is no room for rebellion in the church. God is calling us to speak the truth in love, not in anger and frustration.

I don't want to live my life on un calculated emotion. I want to live my life, set my values, and interact with people based on conviction. Being different isn't at all about sticking it to someone, or standing in opposition. No, in our world today, the unique individual is the one who lives their life on purpose, with intentionality, with conviction.

Conviction is different than rebellion. Conviction says, this is the way I choose to live my life, and it is for these reasons, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else does, this is who I am. It is not angry, it is not based on emotion, it is based on a calculated, intentional values driven pursuit. It doesn't force anyone else to live the same way, it isn't even asking for that. It is a simple statement about values.

Ultimately rebellion comes from a desire to see things change, and in my anger and frustration I was unable to see that in that state, I would never change anyone, or anything. It is when we step back, humble ourselves, and let conviction rule that we become people that have potential for lasting impact.

Things kids say...

Yesterday when I woke my 6 year old son up for school I was greeted with a response that I have grown accustom to. You see my son has a part of his brain that I am convinced no one else has, or at least no one else uses. When he goes to sleep at night he logs a whole bunch of one phrase ideas in his brain that he heard from that day. He saves them like a hard drive, and for some reason when he wakes up in the morning they are right there waiting to be used with reckless abandon. This particular morning he woke up and said.

"Did you know that people can die with their eyes open."

I have no idea why he decided this was the right way to greet me on a Wednesday morning, but that was it, not hi daddy, not good morning, no he had been intentionally logging this phrase on his memories hard drive so that he could spout it to the first person he saw the next day.

It's pretty amazing how the human brain works. It can remember and re use things that we had no idea we were logging.

As we get older we learn how to control our brain, and it's functions, ultimately leading to a lifestyle that intentionally keeps people at bay. We use only parts of our brain that are safe, and we seem to learn how to keep at bay the parts that might open us up to public rejection. My son Neal still has not learned that skill yet. He says what he thinks, and does not filter a single word. I can't help but wonder what our world would be like if we never grew up and learned how to hide our emotions the way we do. What if we were all walking around saying the first thing that came to our mind.

For example, a man with a white beard walks by, everyone things, hey that guy looks like Santa! Our adult brains think it, and wouldn't dare say it out loud. Neal... well, he says it, and not only does he say it, but he says it at a volume that anyone in a three block radius could hear it (I wonder where he got that).

For the most part this skill is a good thing, if we said everything we thought it would likely create a whole lot of problems, but this important skill has also taught us that we can construct an image we want people to see, and present it weather it's who we are or not. We have learned how to live our lives completely void of any real relationships.

I think that when God compares us to children in how we should approach Him, this is at least partly what He means. We can pretend with people, we cannot pretend with God. Maybe the more important truth is that we don't have to. People cannot handle every thought in our brain, but God can. What if we lived life simply sharing every thought, emotion, and idea with our God. What if we didn't filter with Him. We would be giving God our anger, fear, insecurity, joy, pain, hopes and dreams on a moment by moment basis. God has the ability to see and know our hearts, and it's this kind of intimacy that He longs to share with us. It is in this context that we allow God access to alter the state of our heart.

The Way God Works

So you've heard that old cliche, "God works in mysterious ways." At this point I feel like I've heard that statement enough times out of context, that more often than not it makes me want to stick my finger in my eye and swirl it around (Sorry for the less than tasteful imagery). 9 times out of 10 when a person makes that statement they are referring to some sort of earthly blessing that they have decided must be connected to God working in their lives. It's usually something like this...

"So last week as I got in my car to drive to work, I noticed that my gas tank was on empty. I was super late, and was just angry with myself for forgetting to do it the night before. So, with a disgruntled attitude I sped my way to the closest gas station. I got out quickly, filled my tank, and sped away as quick as possible. When lunch rolled around, I headed across the street as usual to grab a bite from the local B-B-Q joint, amazing ribs! I ordered my food, watched the cashier ring my up reached for my wallet and my worst nightmare was realized. I had lost my wallet. I proceeded to run out of the restaurant in a panic, convinced I had left it at the gas station that morning. When I arrived at the gas station I ran in, and sure enough the cashier pulled it out from behind the counter remembering me from earlier that day. As I walked out the door, I looked down, and saw a lottery ticket lying in the street. I bent over to pick it up noticing it had not been scratched. To make a long story short, I had found a winning ticket, and won myself $500. All that stuff that I thought was a major head ache, led me to find $500 laying in the street. Can you believe that? 

God Works in mysterious ways!"

As you attempt to continue reading this while you search for blunt object to jam into your eye, you are likely thinking what I am thinking. God doesn't care about you being rich! It's true, God cares about you being His!

All that is really to say that although that statement has grown tired, it doesn't change the reality that it's true. It's not true because God miraculously makes every hard circumstance with a happy ending, it's true because God is in the business of changing lives, and any time broken sinful people find new life in Him, it is, "MYSTERIOUS!" 

I feel like the last week has shown me many of these kinds of situations, God has been moving in my midst, changing lives, healing hearts, drawing people to himself for all of time, but this week I have been blessed to be apart of that mystery in ways that I have rarely had the opportunity to experience. God is a mystery, and when he applies His grace to the life of a broken sinner, it is a wild ride. You can bet on it being ugly, hard, painful, and long, but you can also bet on it being exciting, and most of all mysterious. 

If you feel like you have seen God in action, and don't stand in silence wondering how on earth that just happened, you have not experienced God. 

He is unexplainable, all powerful, and beyond anything we have ever known in this world. 

Truly, God works in mysterious ways.

The Means cannot become the end!

I recently heard a commentary on church planting that mostly had to do with creativity, vision, and innovation, three words that have always been values of mine... at least in theory. I want to be apart of a movement that is fresh, vibrant, and innovative. I think everyone does, in fact I would go as far as to say, what's the point of starting something new if it's just a carbon copy of something that already exists. These thoughts launched me into a thoughtful brainstorming session in my own mind and heart, a practice that has become somewhat habitual for me. I started asking myself questions about these ideas. You see, the church planting movement in America has really latched on to the concept of innovation in churches. It has become one of the driving values for all the, "Material," out their on church planting, and while I agree with the value, I am wondering if there is a danger connected to holding this as a very high value. 

I recently attended the largest church planting seminar in North America,  called exponential. It was a fantastic time learning new methods, being encouraged by those in my same shoes, and hearing from leaders who have been successful in planting, and learning what gave them the best opportunity for success. So much to learn! Anyway, the most staggering element of this conference was the vast number of resources available for church planters in America. We are talking innovation at it's best. The church hosting the conference had some 5,000 sq feet worth of booths and displays each having a new innovative approach to church programing. We are talking about cutting edge innovation. Hi-tech people counting software, nursery check-in programs, advertising strategies, and many more. It was quite a sight to see. One of the things I wonder constantly, is have we gotten carried away? Does God really care about all this? Does He hold it as a value? Did the great fathers of our faith care this much about dreaming, creating and innovating? 

As I look at scripture I can't help wonder what Paul might say if he were to gaze upon the light shows, media presentations, and hi-tech programming we are using in churches these days. Would he appreciate it? Would he hate it? I don't know, but the one thing I do know is that he would be fine with any set of means that justifies the end. What is Paul's end? People finding Jesus. We see his heart 

Acts 20:24


However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

Again we see a very simple one track mind from Paul in 1 Corinthians...

but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

Paul's focus is uncanny. He has not lost sight of what matters most, and yet at the same time is willing to do anything to help people find Jesus. 

Here's the point I think Paul would look down the hall of booths and tables at exponential, the church planting conference, and have one thought... "Is this stuff doing the job of bring the light of salvation to as many people as possible? If the answer is yes, then keep doing it." I don't think he would get caught up in who's presentation is better, which sign looks cooler, and which program is more cutting edge. 

Our lesson as church planters, and visionaries from Paul, is to not let the means become the end. If we ever get to the point where we value innovation and creativity in ministry more than, or even equal to what matters most, people connecting with God, and being saved from the pit of hell, we have gone off a dangerous cliff. 

We need to consider all things as optional tools to meeting the ultimate end, and never over value the means. Some people get to the end through street evangelism, some through huge in church programs, others through personal relationships. Some are more effective than others, but the only thing that makes one right and another wrong is the motive. 

Are you in love with your means? or are you in for the end result?

This is the pivotal question for a visionary kingdom laborer!

 

Big Day

Tomorrow I am going in for ankle surgery, I am not looking forward to being down for 2 months, then beginning 3 months of rehab. I am however looking forward to having a working ankle again for the first time in almost 10 years. 

I think we should probably approach God's grace this way

Lyrics to Forever Holy : Glorious unseen
God, You stand when all has fallen
You embrace the long forgotten
I guess it's just hard to believe
The Grace You've poured out on me
I guess I'm just starting to see
How You're working in me

This is what makes my head spin
You're forever Holy
God of all creation
Pour Your life into me
This is so overwhelming
You're forever Holy
God of my Salvation
Clothe me in Your Glory, yeah

God, You hold when all is breaking
You restore the tired and aching
I guess it's just hard to believe
The Love You've poured out on me
I guess I'm just starting to see
How You're working in me, whoa Lord

This is what makes my head spin
You're forever Holy
God of all creation
Pour Your life into me
This is so overwhelming
You're forever Holy
God of my Salvation
Clothe me in Your Glory

Clothe me in Your Glory
Clothe me in Your Glory

This is what makes my head spin
You're forever Holy
God of all creation
Pour Your life into me
This is so overwhelming
You're forever Holy
God of my Salvation
Clothe me in Your Glory
(2x)
Clothe me in your Glory 

Listen here

It's a new era...

Yesterday afternoon, at about 3:30 pm, I found myself in a place doing something I never thought I would do. I have never been one to cry at movies, I don't cry for much of anything truthfully. But yesterday, I was sitting at, are you ready for this? You could lose all respect for my in this moment... I was sitting at the Hannah Montana movie, and found myself in tears. It's true, I can't go on living a lie, the world must know, I am a pretty little girl. 

The truth is, I left that movie believing that every father should go see that movie with their daughter, and I dare you to hold back the tears that will be fighting to get out. 

I think the largest cause of the tears was the constant theme of a father watching his little girl grow up and become independent. As fathers we want to see our kids learn to make their own decisions, and we pray with all our might they will be the right ones. Decisions that will keep them safe, pure, and protected. At the same time when we begin to see them making decisions on their own, it is one of the scariest things on earth. When those decisions are the right ones, there is this very strange mix of emotions that vary from pride all the way down to fear and even anger. 

From the day our kids are born it is a slow, yet consistent movement toward losing them. All of life grows continually closer to independence. It's natural, it's right, it's God's design. So I ask myself, how are we supposed to let them go, at what age, when is it a good thing? The answer, I am convinced, is from day one. 

I have another daughter on the way, and all I can cling to for hope in a world that seeks to destroy innocence and purity at the earliest possible age, is that the God of the universe who formed my children in the womb, knows each by name, and tends to the smallest details of their lives, is in fact always keeping them as His own. I can't always be there, I can't always know everything, yet He can... He does... at all times. He never turns a deaf ear, nor does He ever turn His back. as the Psalmist say, 

"Where can I go to escape your presence? I go to the depths of the sea, you are their..." 

In this moment, I am even slightly choked up simply because I am so amazed by the majesty of my God. His providence is perfect, His arms are love, and His hand is steady. I can attempt to control my children, stress over their decisions, do everything in my power to protect them from the world, and in the end, are they any safer? 

No, instead, I will put them each in the hands of my faithful, loving, magnificent God, and I will rest easy knowing that He is able. 

Yes, my God is able.

a few thoughts about freedom...

As American's we take freedom for granted. On the 4th of July, we take the day, well, the whole weekend to recognize the day we became a free nation, but are we really celebrating freedom? The truth is we use this day as an opportunity to once more serve ourselves. Is today really about freedom? It seems to be more about parties, and fire works, friends and family. It seems to be more about the fulfillment selfish desires than freedom. After all, if it were really about freedom, is this how we would spend it? 

The very foundations of freedom have nothing to do with fun, fireworks or over indulgence. The basics of freedom are in fact something different entirely. The foundations are freedom are sacrifice, pain and suffering. It is about selflessness, rather than selfishness. I guess it is some sort of celebration of freedom to even be free to take advantage of freedom, but does that create a climate where freedom can grow and expand, or does our approach create a scenario where we end up more enslaved.

Most of the time on the 4th of july we think of freedom in the context of our physical world. Freedom to govern ourselves, that is what our for fathers died for so many years ago, but there is another kind of freedom offered to us, not by the efforts and sacrifice of the military men who have fallen, but by the sacrifice of one man, Jesus Christ, the son of God. His sacrifice gave us freedom from the bonds of sin and death. With one act, Jesus Christ changed the course of human history. He set us free.

It is not so that we can continue to live in the destructive and hurtful behaviors that have lead us to a life of enslavement to ourselves that Jesus gave His life, it is for freedom. Paul tells us,

"It is for freedom, that He has set us free."

Not a real novel concept right? Strangely enough, as human beings we gravitate toward enslavement, and bondage. We love the things that destroy us, and cling to what enslaves us. Why? We are sinful creatures. More than anything today needs to be a about a celebration of the freedom we are all offered in Jesus Christ. We can choose to walk and live in the freedom He gave us, or we can continue to pursue ourselves, and find ourselves digging a deeper and deeper whole of slavery for our lives.

When we truly understand this freedom, it doesn't lead to a life of wielding that freedom to those less fortunate, or taking advantage of the freedom we have. It doesn't lead to a selfish pursuit of whatever makes me happy. It leads ultimately to a life willing to sacrifice for the sake of others knowing the same kind of freedom. How have we as American's gotten to the point where we so enjoy or freedom that we view others as less than us, or less important simply because they don't have it? No, if we truly understood freedom, we would stop at nothing to see as many people as possible living in that freedom as well. 

This is my hearts cry, this is what I live for. I want to daily lay down my life so that even one more person can understand the freedom offered in Jesus. I want my freedom to create in me a sense of burden for those who don't know freedom, a life of mourning for the oppressed. This is the life worth living. 

So this 4th of July, we each have a choice. Freedom is freedom, and no one can tell you how to celebrate it, that's why it's freedom. You can use it, take advantage of it, and ultimately spit in it's face, that is your right, or you can see it as an amazing gift worth giving your life to see others experience it for themselves.

Either way, for us to truly understand freedom and the cost that pays it's price, we need to look no further than the cross of Jesus Christ. It is the cross that is beckoning at all man kind, come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest. The kind of rest that produces freedom known only by those who have put their hope in the saving grace of Jesus Christ. 

Happy 4th of July everyone!

P.S. Thank you to the men and women who stand as a human example of freedom's payment. your own lives

Insufficient at my best

I spend so much of my time trying so hard to be prepared, ready, and equipped to do the work of the gospel, and it seems that in moments where it matters most, my best is still like, "filthy rags." Again following along with the theme of dependence, I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this. The amazing thing, and the thing I take great comfort in, is the reality that it seems God finds a way to make good of and use my utter failures to still further his kingdom. For that, I am a grateful man tonight.

"... for they shall be satisfied."

I paid the bills today, a day that is typically a stressful one in the Brower household. Why you ask? Well, it's not because we don't have enough money to meet our needs, it's most likely because we don't have enough money to meet all our wants. As I was writing out check after check (yeah, I still use paper to pay bills... archaic I know, for some reason it gives me a sense of control, and accomplishment.) I couldn't help but begin meditating on all that we have. More than anything, I was struck by a sense of appreciation for the reality that we have enough money to pay all our bills. We never have to wonder where our next meal is coming from, or how we will pay to keep the air conditioning on. Even after we have spent the first week of our monthly pay cycle buying up whatever feels good, right in the moment, we still have enough to make ends meet. Something about pay day, when the account is full, makes me think I can afford to swipe the old debit card for just about anything that my fleeting heart desires. Don't feel like doing dishes, let's order pizza, been wanting some new clothes, why not, we are loaded? Of course, not thinking about how last month I did the same thing, only to find myself groaning over the reality that after I have paid all the bills, we no longer have a buffer for future impulse buys. We have in essence, spent ourselves to the limits, and will now have to spend the next 20 days being extra careful with how we spend our money. 

So naturally the question becomes, why didn't we start the month being careful? Why do we, month in and month out, find ourselves in this position? 

It's funny that this month the agonizing adventure of diving into our finances came in the context of me taking a break from my sermon preparations for this Sunday. I am beginning a series this week on, "The Sermon on the Mount." Jesus begins His message to His disciples, and the fortunate eves droppers that happened to be loitering with pretty radical, and counter culture outlook on what it means to live out a life of faith in God. He starts to list what has become known by American Bible readers as, The Beatitudes.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed the merciful," etc.

One of these so called beatitudes has become particularly striking to me in the wake of my war with the finances. 

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied."

I can't help but begin to ask myself in this context, what does it mean to be satisfied. I am today, in this moment, ever aware of my seemingly unquenchable appetite for more things, pleasures, and security. But here, Jesus is telling us that the only way to be truly satisfied is by living in a state of hunger and thirst. 

Wait a minute, isn't hunger in direct opposition to satisfaction? How can those two things go hand in hand.

It began to become clear to me... in God's economy, everything is flipped on it's head. I felt in this moment, like the woman at the well asking Jesus, "Where can I get this living water? If I had some, I would never have to draw from the well again?" Even in the context of receiving all that God has to offer me, I am still seeking it for my own earthly gain. 

The kind of satisfaction Jesus is talking about, is not the kind that is satisfied with food or drink. It is not found in the acquisition of more money, things, or pleasures. It is found in utter dependence, and intimacy with the creator of the universe.

My monthly bout with money serves as an incredible reminder for me, that all this world is offering me, will never begin to satisfy the hunger and thirst that is in my heart. If i try to fill hunger and thirst with things of this world, I will find myself empty, and broken. When I choose to live a life intent on remaining hungry, embracing the thirst within me, and focusing it on the righteousness God is calling me to pursue, the empty things of this world will ultimately become gray. I will begin to see these things for the false security and fulfillment they actually are. 

The more hungry I become for the King and His kingdom, the more satisfied I will daily become.

A few pics to introduce you to my family: Anne Marie, Sadie(8), Neal(6)... and we have one on the way :)

Is God really in control of everything?

As the so called, "Professional Religious Guy," often times I dismiss questions like this as they enter my mind. It seems that things greater than human knowledge or understanding often times stick out like a sore thumb on the hand of organized religion. We fear that if we don't have the right answer at the perfect time that people might dismiss us, labeling us as irrelevant, or worse, stop thinking about truth all together. I find it ridiculously silly that as Christian leaders we find ourselves convinced that the God of the universe somehow needs us to defend Him. Why can't we embrace the mystery, love the unknown, and take comfort in the reality that we are pursuing, and are pursued by, a God that is to great to fathom. In all honesty, do you want to put your hope in something that isn't much more powerful than you are? 

I just finished a class at Trinity International Divinity school in Bannock Burn, Illinois. It was a crazy intense semester of class crammed into one week. Yeah, it was insane. Anyway, one of the central themes to the class was, the divine attributes God. One of those attributes of that discussion was the providence, and sovereignty of God. This discussion asked questions that relate to God's control, our human free will, and many others. I have always believed for one reason or another that God's sovereignty was necessarily complete, and final. Free will had to be some sort of figment of my imagination, or at least some sort of unfathomable mystery. If God is sovereign, knowing all things before they happen, then do we really have a choice... about anything? Does knowing, automatically assume that God is controlling all things at all times? Of course right? Is God is ever out of control? If so, is He still God?

For the first time I found myself questioning the line of thinking that says, God's sovereignty depends on him being in complete control of all outcomes of every human life, at all times. 

Of course we know that God could in fact control everything at all times if He wanted to. If there is anything God can't do, then before we know it, we find ourselves with a God that is not too much different than we are. But is it possible that God could give up, or surrender a piece of His own power for the sake of connecting in real relationship with us as human beings? Could it be the greatest showing of His ultimate sovereignty to choose to lay down His control of our lives and decisions so that we might freely choose to love Him, follow Him pursue Him? 

I don't know the answers to all of these questions, but I do know that it ministers to my own soul to simply say these words... "I don't know!" I love serving a God that is too big for me to understand. I love asking ultimate questions that may be unanswerable. I embrace the mystery of a Holy God that is far bigger than I am, and embrace the journey of discovering daily more of the divine attributes of God offered to me in His holy word, and through the revelation of His creation. 

My only conclusion is this... Our God is big, I am not, and that makes me wholly dependent on Him!

Hello everyone. I have begun this blog for the sake of communicating my heart to all who are interested in hearing it. I will post daily, short snippets about what I see God doing in my heart, in my family, and in the world around. Not sure if anyone is interested in hearing what I have to say, but if so, thanks. More than anything I hope to inspire anyone who reads, to a an ever-deepening pursuit of truth, and the God who, says, "I am the way, the truth and the Life, no one comes to the father except through me."